The third chamber inwards~

Shadow Side: The Moon's shadow side never faces the Earth. Like the moon, we all have mysterious aspects of our personalities and past experiences, aspects we choose not to share with others. Our shadow side might include vulnerabilities, fantasies, and eccentricities - for example, a secret ambition to be a writer, an unrequited love, a penchant for collecting rocks, a fear of heights, or a belief in astrology. As our trust in a friend grows, we may cautiously reveal our shadow side or keep this realm of ourselves private. Whatever we choose, these aspects continue to influence our relationships and our self-regard. Visit your shadow side this week, and - for your own benefit - chart the terrain: Walk through your private realm and describe what you encounter there.

I think that much of this will be done in the morning pages. What I wish to be public has been discussed in the Dark Moon questions so far, and what inner work is occurring this week will stay cocooned in my private journal for the time being.

Chapter three, Question two

Previous answers found here.

2. After reading this chapter, can I consider the possibility that the disappearance of the Goddess was overshadowed by cosmic planetary cycles and part of a natural process of renewal that occurs in the darkness? What comes up for me and in what ways does this challenge my previous beliefs?

Again, a very broad question asked about a very broad subject. In reading this chapter and question, it occurs to me that they are written for, at least it seems to me, an audience that is for the most part unfamiliar with these themes/theories, etc. and that this is written as an introduction to the concepts. Not that that is a bad thing, quite the opposite, we all are new to theories and ideas at some point, and even as we get 'experienced' in the ways of the mysteries, it is good to spiral back to the starting places. We stay fresh that way, and find newer questions to ask and explore, and keep ourselves from becoming rigidly fixed in our thinking.

I do know enough that this idea of cosmic cycles is not unknown to our ancestors. That they knew of this is recorded for us in stone if we but open our eyes and minds to see it and accept the messages left for us.

Again, I'm not necessarily of the mind set that the Goddess energy/awareness ever fully left. Perhaps it's a matter of perception, and the majority of the occidental populace was largely unaware of this current. There have been those mystics within the past that kept the knowledge and awareness of the feminine divine alive, honouring it even if it branded them as heretics and saw their works largely destroyed. It could be that they were charged with watching and safe-guarding the fallow field for that time when the seeds of renewal could begin to sprout. They kept the message alive and passed it along, again, for those with ears to hear and eyes to see.

It is what we do with the knowledge in the time that we are given it that matters. For myself, I will continue seeking, questioning, and learning to live in harmony with my environment. If I can share this path with others, then the more the merrier. What is interesting to note, is that some of the ideas touched on in these questions [namely the reemergence of currents and energies] is being discussed on various lists. Both the idea of approaching the new flows with openness and respect and the idea of trying to control and retain 'traditional authority' over the reemerging, stronger currents. Interesting times, indeed.

And as always, I do reserve the right to revisit this answer with additional thoughts, observances, etc., as time and wisdom reveal them to me.

Riding new currents

I am behind on everything everywhere, and I've decided to throw in the towel on deadlines. My lists have been burnt and I am just going to focus on being where I am when I am there.

Many pardons, I did not get much sleep last night.

After being wrung dry by one muse and getting an edited and re-edited Google doc posted up... it's your turn next time *evil eye*... I went to bed and was fully intending to get some good rest.

The universe had other ideas. As soon as I closed my eyes, my head fairly exploded with wild images and colours. Vast multi-coloured rainbow serpents wove in and out of my awareness as masques and white-chalk painted African and Polynesian faces would appear and fade away. I heard singing and chanting in languages I did not know, but could understand the celebration in the meaning behind the words. Water streamed in the images, and fish leaping, chased and chasing other rainbow-serpents through the waters, down falls, rapids, and waves. All in an amazing rush of exuberance.

I'm not at all sure what time I did finally drop off to sleep proper, but that 5:45 alarm clock sounded all too early this morning. The second question for Chapter three of the Dark Moon, I fear, will be pushed back to being answered tomorrow. My morning pages are having a skip and a rest today.

Thoughts from this morning

I got a new Tarot deck yesterday. I wasn't sure that I wanted it, but opened the package anyway and decided that it was a happy coincidence and message from the universe. The cards are inspired by the Visconti-Sforza deck and I love the imagery far better than the Rider-Waite deck. Interestingly enough, it also comes with a second blank set of cards that are meant to be coloured in by the owner as an esoteric exercise. This will be a long exercise but a fruitful one.

Switching gears a bit, I have started in on the second chamber of the Nautilus path.

Alone Time: Solitude is different from loneliness. When you choose to spend time alone, you are electing to focus your attention on your own process. You are paying attention to your self the way you would a best friend or cherished lover. Yet many of us fear solitude. When we find ourselves alone, we fill up the time and space with activities that pull our attention outward. Next time you start aimlessly flipping television channels or making idle phone calls, pause and check in with yourself, focusing your attention inward. What is it that you really want and need in this time? This week, make a date with yourself to spend an hour alone.

The rest left off, as most of you reading can guess where it is going and fill in the blanks. If you can't leave a comment and I'll fill it in. Part of my solitude is the practise of my morning pages. It is a free and unfiltered conversation with myself and I find that I get out of sorts and cranky when I miss this time for whateer reasons. The one time that I have been skimping on is my walks at lunchtime. I need to begin gifting myself with them again. Walking the trails through the woods at lunch time is very satisfying and an exercise in moving solitude. It is just me and nature, and I can let my mind wander, take in the beauty around me, and/or just walk with an empty mind and let the tension drain out of me. My gift to myself this new seasonal cycle is to begin taking this time again.

Another thought came to me this morning as I was writing in my pages about the tarot deck and the need for a new pouch for it. Tradition says that a deck should be stored in a black silk bag to ward it from energies that are not the readers own. Sage advice, and advice that I am going to ignore this time. Why? Because as I was meditating on this, it came to me that I want a pouch that is white linen, lined with green silk that I ave that has a small design of three chevrons stacked throughout it, red pomegranates that I will do in blackwork on the linen, and a black silk cord made from nine strands braided together. Goddess colours, numbers, and symbols galore. Yet, I also have the needed means and skills to keep the deck my own and attuned to me, so I am not worried about breaking tradition. The deck will still, for lack of a better word, 'work.' That is when I knew that tradition is there to act as a framework and allows for the 'tried and true' safe route through the mysteries for those learning them and beginning their esoteric path. It is a needed framework that helps the budding mystic whilst they are learning and absorbing the lessons. After a certain point, they have the tools and knowledge needed to break out and begin exploring their path outside of traditional bounds. It seems to me that many never do that, but remain hide-bound by tradition and stifled. Therein lies the danger of dogma and codified systems the world over, I suppose. So, it is a path of continued exploration for me. If worse comes to worse, I can make another black silk bag.

Chapter three, question one

Previous answers found here.

1. If I am aware of the Goddess herstory, do I think that women were innocent victims of the patriarchy's brutal aggression? Do I think that women must rise in anger to protest this injustice and to reclaim what was forcibly taken away from them? Do I perpetuate a tension between a victim and oppressor in my attitudes toward protecting myself against the potential threat of those who are more powerful?

First, I loathe with every fibre of my being the term 'herstory' and other associated made up names designed to market feminine empowerment as the superior way of viewing the world. If you absolutely must attribute gender power to the words, use history and heritage. Actually, if you must do that, please just stay away from me until you've matured and can hold a meaningful conversation without finding an invisible threat in a word. I was going to say until you ripen and fall off the tree, but I am trying to be nice today. It may not work as my head is about doing me in at the moment. I am not afraid of the word history and do not feel threatened when someone uses it in my hearing. However, I'd be reasonably cautious around the words 'I will kill you' if they were uttered in my presence. See the difference?

Secondly, I'm not at all sure that I believe in the concept of 'innocent victims' in a major cultural shift. This question, to me, is at once very simple and too broad to discuss in absolutes. I'm not even sure that human cultural development is about matriarchy versus patriarchy, so much as it is about evolving and devolving mental attitudes toward interacting with our environment. In many ways, the past can be viewed as a growing organic creature. The idylls of childhood when cooperation and empathy are discovered and valued, then brash adolescence when everyone else is wrong, stupid, and invincibility is not an illusion but a mental absolute. Then comes the realisation that maybe we aren't as invincible as we thought and maybe, just maybe we better think about things again. I think that we are, for the most part, in the 'maybe we need to think about things' stage and that is why we are seeing a re-emergence of older ideas and principles. We're not content to hang out at the mall any longer and are beginning to enjoy browsing through the library to find knowledge that we can live and work with, and that we can pass along to those who will follow us.

Do I perpetuate a tension between victim and oppressor? Oh hells no. I refuse to participate in the culture of fear and mass hysteria. Dear gods, that is one of the single biggest issues that would get me frothing at the mouth about the past eight years under the Shrub administration. I refuse to duck and cower at shadows on the wall, especially if those crying wolf about those shadows want me to trust them to do my critical thinking for me. I will protest that. I will scream and kick and refuse to be dragged down that path. Will I go out and knee-cap some male for his gender due to perceived past injustice done to women with the blessings of the Patriarch bogey man? No. But if that same male [or female to be honest] tried to hurt me or mine, it's a fair bet that anger and violence would then occur.

To reclaim our sanity doesn't begin with a radical swing to the opposite polar extreme. There is a good reason why all the mystery traditions teach the value of the middle way. Yes, women have been the victims of atrocities in the past. But so have men, and we cannot heal and move forward if we allow ourselves to forget that.

The rising place of awakened feminine currents in all aspects of our world should not be given prominence over the wounded male current. We need to heal that wound so that the male can once more value the life-affirming qualities of the natural masculine current. Father Time and Mother Nature, the Green Man and the Lady of the Wood... they have always been present and point the way to wholeness to those who will listen. Those of us who have been listening and living this balance, well, it falls to us to show others how this can be done and we cannot teach with a fist closed in anger.

Spiralling inward

I am taking the Nautilus Path with the workbook Prayers to the Moon by Kay Leigh Hagan. As with the Mysteries of the Dark Moon answers, some will only be discussed on the surface here with more in-depth personal conversations occurring in my morning pages.

The Nautilus path~

Personal Mail: Write a letter to someone rather distant [geographically or emotionally], a friend you have not seen in a long time, or someone from whom you feel estranged... What inner selves were speaking there? How would you characterise the voice you eventually chose to use in the letter? [You do not have to post the letter.]

Written and discussed in my morning pages.

Notes on the journey:

Yesterday was, all around, an uneasy day with the aethers. After I performed the rites for the blessed departed, I just sat in the quiet house to centre and ground myself.

A few times during that time I heard rustlings and thumps outside of the house. Even after I put on the porch light, they continued although my eyes saw nothing. I strengthened the wards on the doors and windows, and kept the black candles I have lit. Before going to bed, I was doing a small tidy and when I was picking up one of the sofa cushions that the cat knocked over, I saw a snake's head peeking up between the end of the sofa and other cushions. I blinked and it was gone. Needless to say, I gave the sofa a hefty thump and waited. Nothing, so I took all the cushions off and gave it another thump. Waited and still nothing, so I put the cushions back on and am left to wonder if it was just a message to be open and ready to further messages, or an indication of new energies and patterns emerging.

In the darkness, trying to still my mind and get ready to sleep, I felt an almost warm tingling around my mouth and nose, and a hunching feeling in my shoulders; like I was shape-shifting into a raven. I could see myself wearing a mantle of black glistening feathers as I skimmed over a battlefield. Landing, I sat by one corpse and began to peck away at the dead flesh and realised that it was myself that I was consuming. I was helping myself get shed of the dead parts that are no longer working in my life.

Then my daughter had a fright. She must have been travelling and something disturbed her enough that she cried out. I was out of bed like a flash and projecting a 'you'll have to get through me first' burst of oh-no-you-don't energy. Checking in on her, she was fine and didn't recall a thing, so I tucked her back up and charged her guardian stuffed animals to keep watch.

Back in my room, I projected myself into a golden lioness and made sure that everything knew that I was out walking and warding my territory. Returning to my own form, I declared my authority over my home, family, and territory.

"I am the snarling lioness, with blood-stained maw and eviscerating claws."

Called upon the protection and sovereignty of Mother Sekhmet to grant me her strength in protecting my own. I also proclaimed my authority again in triad form, listing all of my skills and abilities. After that, I could feel an ebbing of what was trying and testing, then sealed and warded those weaker points. Fell into a quiet and untroubled sleep after that. I know that I dreamt, but cannot recall any of it.

Prayers to the Moon

Welcome to Ashtoreth's Mirror. Here is where I will be putting my metaphysical thoughts and notes on the esoteric journey. For daily ramblings, I direct you to Nanny Ashtoreth.